My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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