girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
