so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
