I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
