I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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