I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
