Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
