i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
