You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
