i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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