I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize