marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
