Need sex. Gaining weight.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
wow bdsm is so cute
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
