The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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