Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My hand turned me down
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
