last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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