moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
