Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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