Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
