I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
