This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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