I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
