JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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