he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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