My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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