i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
He has the fingertips of a God
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