Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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