So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
