pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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