i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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