i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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