Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
