Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
