there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
