I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
