All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
