I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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