We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
