just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
