Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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