It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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