sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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