FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
