hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
