yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
