I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
