Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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