I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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