Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Randomize
