I wanna passion pit in your ass
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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