omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
