Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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