You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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