just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
i believe in u and ur pee
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