She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
