I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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