Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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