I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
