im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
