good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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