the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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