i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
