Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Plan B is the new Plan A
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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