tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
