When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
