im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
