Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
