I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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