in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize