either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
