girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
handjob tips. give me some.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
