after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just found a bag of teeth...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize