turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
