So gin and wine won't be happening again
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
