So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
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